Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Saturday, November 27, 2004
When Holiday Lights Are Dim

Depression afflicts 9.5% of the U.S. population.

Now if you have a Judgment of Divorce entered this time of year, many friends will instinctually look out for signs of depression. But I'm going to ask that we open our eyes a good deal wider.

Beyond divorce, holidays alone can increase our stress levels to on-par with a job interview.

Remember, the two years after divorce are a "crisis period." And it takes the first 6 to 10 months of this for us to achieve a state nominally reminiscent of our lives before the divorce kettles started bubbling.

To this, the Centers for Disease Control adds: "The role of events in a depression does not end with the event that brought on the depression. Events can build on each other."

How are you doing? Take a close look at "Stories of Depression: Does this sound like you?" from the National Institute of Mental Health. It lists four steps to understanding and getting help for depression. And then there's a 15-point checklist to complete — and review with your doctor if you find that several of these symptoms could apply.

Here's another list:

• Persistent sad or "empty" feeling

• Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, pessimism or worthlessness

• Substance use

• Fatigue or loss of interest in ordinary activities, including sex

• Disturbances in eating and sleeping patterns

• Irritability, increased crying; anxiety and panic attacks

• Difficulty in concentrating, remembering or making decisions

• Thoughts of suicide; suicidal plans or attempts

• Persistent physical symptoms or pains that do not respond to treatment

Every so often, I'll ask my Wednesday weekly support group for a voluntary show of hands from those currently in some form of treatment for depressive illness. At any given time, two-thirds typically say that they are. And it's not just all about us. Psychology Today reports that the mean time to recover for offspring of depressed parents is 29 weeks in non-divorce households, versus 66.7 weeks for those exposed to divorce in the family.

Bottom line: Ask for help.

Our own University of Michigan Depression Center offers a Family Education Workshop each month here in Ann Arbor.

Major depression is also the psychiatric diagnosis most commonly associated with suicide: One out of every 16 people who is diagnosed with depression goes on to end their life through suicide.

Suicide has been an issue in three recent cases I've had to deal with in my practice. Overall, here in Michigan there were 1,051 suicides in 2001. In fact, the incidence of death due to suicide is over 52% greater than that of homicide.

• Suicide prevention (emergency):
  1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

Yeah, this is heavy reading — I know.  It also feels really heavy to face exuberant carolers when you're under this pall.  So for our part, I'm asking that we all do what we can to provide our own candles en route to the hope of brighter lights on the other side.

—posted by Dell Deaton @9:34 AM EST 11/27/2004 [498]

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