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In my line of work, each client needs the skills
to close sales.
Surprised? Divorce is about the logical
dissolution of marriage, you were told. If there is “selling” to be done,
professional advocates can be hired to do that on behalf of the contestants.
Okay. There’s some truth in that. Yet the clear majority of cases I’ve seen
over the last ten years have hinged significantly on the personal abilities
of husband and wife, individually, to each sell themselves through that
process.
When I orient clients to this reality, two sorts
of reactions are common (mostly what you’d expect outside of business).
First, that “sales” is a craft practiced by
the likes of a Mr. Haney hawking from the back of his truck in Hooterville
─ where
any pitch is a con. Such grifters are out there, of course, and, thankfully,
they’re just as persuasive as he was to a real world audience. Then there’s
the second argument against selling, that “truth” just somehow emerges
without advocacy, despite competition, and with no forethought,
organization, or focus. I’d discourage such thinking. That approach is
tantamount to signing off on any viewpoint that actually is advocated,
however contrary it may be to your own.
Personal sales skills maximize your control of many situations in three
critical ways: Speed, risk management, and credibility. They’re
interrelated.
Move as fast as opportunities allow. Every
transaction has a natural cycle to closure. In the case of divorce, it’s a
blend of minimum waiting periods dictated by law, and the unique amount of
time anticipated for a particular couple to unhook. Coaching each spouse to
sell his and her proposed divorce outcome, cognizant of anticipated
objections, improves the way these transactions move along. So does learning
to prioritize and articulate for yourself, reigning in emotion and gaining
discipline to stay targeted on the real issues of this deal-making. The
reality is, most of the questions about ending your marriage can only be
directed to you anyway.
You lose what you don’t speak up for. New
mediators are taught to encourage you to come up with most of your own
recommended solutions to issues in need of negotiation. That’s also a basic
tenant of conflict resolution now being taught in our public schools.
Seasoned sales people will recognize this variant on the RFP, and have an
advantage with their pitches. So a failure on your part to hone your own,
personal, sales skills in balance leaves you needlessly vulnerable to the
capabilities, objectivity, and daily energy level of even the best mediator
assigned to help equilibrate your case.
What you say is all that matters anyway. Clients
who come to me for help late in their divorce processes are often amazed at
the amount of agreement that they, personally, still have to advance with
their spouse before this phase can wrap. I liken that to the Webelos Scout
who doesn’t, in the end, make rank until he, himself, articulates his
achievements before his Den. Like the Wizard of Oz, we are all constantly
challenged by the depth of our sales skills: The one behind the curtain is
always you. In divorce, career, marriage, school, clubs, sports —
everything.
“Sales” is a learned ability to answer two basic
questions. “What do you believe in?” and, “Why should others buy into that?”
You’ll be asked. So prepare to close.
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