It's one of those questions I get
asked a lot as a divorce coach, in the wake of marital
dissolution. Is there any certain way of knowing if someone
is lying to us?
Discover author Susan Kruglinski
put the fundamentals of this question to Eric Haseltine, who
headed research and development for the National Security
Agency in 2002, and in 2006 was named associate director for
science and technology for the Office of the Director of
National Intelligence.
Interestingly, he notes that "an
incredibly gentle" approach, one that is warm and in no way
pressuring, can extract tremendous intelligence. The effect
is that the subject does not know that he or she is being
interrogated; on the part of the interviewer, it requires an
incredible memory — nothing is written down.
Who makes a good spy or liar?
"I don't think there's any one
answer to that," Haseltine says. "Being a good actor, being
a good poker player. Being a good con man. Con men are
people who are sociopathic, who do not feel remorse, and who
are very attuned, strangely, to other people and can read
them very well. If I know what you really want to hear and
what is in your heart of hearts, your fondest desire,
because I'm good at reading you and I'm street-smart about
assessing you, then I can feed you what you want to hear. A
good con man does that. A good magician does that. You also
have to have a good memory."
To me this suggests that the
beginning and end of truly understanding your partner rests
in skills you, yourself, must develop and exercise.
—posted by Dell Deaton @4:10 PM EST 8/5/2008
RSD 16610
|
