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Last
Wednesday in my support group, one participant again pushed back that I
should be more limited in the goals I recommend for clients in recovery from
divorce. “There’s only so much we’ll ever change from our basic nature,” she
claimed, followed by what she believed would be supporting details from her
own divorce story (which she’d first shared with me some four years ago
now).
The
current issue of Psychology Today argues otherwise in a feature titled,
“Second Nature,” and the teaser: “Your personality isn’t necessarily set in
stone. With a little experimentation, the ornery and bleak can reshape their
temperaments and inject pluck and passion into their lives.”
Author Kathleen McGowan cites research which finds that many “character
strengths” are qualities that “amount to habitual ways of responding to the
world — habits than can be learned. She likens these to “the biological set
point for weight: Nature designed some of us to be heavy, and others to be
slim. It’s not impossible to alter your weight, but it requires going
against your grain.”
Substantively, then, McGowan details examples of personality change and
paths for getting there. “Optimism: Make the Road by Walking,” “Passion:
Taking the Plunge,” “Joy: The Art of Loving Life,” and “Courage: Doing the
Right Thing.”
Two other must-reads in the April 2008 Psychology Today. “On-Again,
Off-Again: What drives couples to repeatedly break up then make up?” by
Elizabeth Svoboda, and, “Desperation With a Difference: Women are devastated
by failing relationships, says Nando Pelusi, Ph.D., while men flail more
over unattainable relationships.”
—posted by Dell Deaton @10:28 AM EST 3/04/2008
BTT 2002
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