Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Saturday, May 28, 2005
Are You Finding Nemo?

Question: You know the movie Finding Nemo?

My ex-wife told our five-year-old that it's about a mommy who trusts the daddy to watch their son, then he loses him. How can she say that? I watched the DVD with our boy twice and I watched it real careful like for three more times on my own. I don't get it.

What do you think it's about?

Coaching: What do I think the "movie" is about? or— are you asking me why your former spouse might characterize the plot as she has?

Like you, I've watched Finding Nemo with my own son. We're given mere vignettes of an intact fish family before a frightening predator attack leaves just the daddy and one unborn baby alive. It all happens pretty quickly. I don't recall anyone having much of a choice in that matter; the subject of trust never comes up.

What does stand out to me is a light exchange between the parents earlier on. Looking in on the vast carpet of their egg-offspring, Marlin, the daddy, expresses his strong opinion regarding names. The mommy proffers "Nemo."

When their only surviving son is born, of course, Marlin has sole say-so in calling him Nemo. Interpret this daddy's choice as you will.

I don't know about you — but the family-gets-wiped-out thing would be more than enough to cast me as overprotective. On top of that, Finding Nemo shows us a child with a bit of a physical challenge and a daddy with a net full of personal issues ready for trolling.

But he did not "lose" his son through any sort of irresponsibility that I can see.

For all of Daddy's baggage (indeed, it's well-packed and brought along as readily accessed carry-on), I defer to Roger Ebert for our film summary here and "novelty: This time the dad is the hero of the story, although in most animation it is almost always the mother."

Other interpretations?

Your question seems to imply that it's the purview of one parent to "trust" the other with their mutual offspring. Says who? I doubt that your Judgment of Divorce has any such provision. In fact, neither of you has any choice in the matter.

That may be a grating divorce reality. But co-opting the role of undergraduate film studies professor in an effort to alter a child's perception of that reality via fish story? Not something you'll find condoned by Clive Cussler or Dorothy Corkille Briggs.

It also doesn't work. And it frequently backfires. It "...is not surprising that a child will align himself with the maligned parent in an attempt to protect his image of that parent." So, I'd encourage most folks to simply let go at this point. Your kid(s) will ultimately get it right.

But you choose to keep your aquarium churning with self-doubt bubbles, ready to swim into. Five times, you say.

Maybe there's some other Marlin message you're taking from Mommy here — and that keeps you from finding Nemo.

—posted by Dell Deaton @9:00 PM EST 5/28/2005 [500]

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