Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Wednesday, May 11, 2005
"Time" as an Asset in Divorce Mediation

Notepads, file folders, and sundry forms are spread out before you this evening.

But where in this tossed salad of paperwork is the divorce court equivalent of IRS Form 4868, the "Application for Automatic Extension of Time"?

What if "time" comes in first on your list of needs and wants out of divorce?

Is it possible to negotiate for time as an asset in divorce mediation?

"Come on, Dell," you say. "My time has no value." Or so you've been taught to believe, because of the level of education you've completed. Your hourly wage is pittance. The Toyota repair shop needs four more hours to get you back on the road? "No problem. I'll wait."

You're nothing like the bright young man I sold a house to several years ago. Just before closing, I asked for another twenty-four hours of time beyond the agreed upon move-out date to get the last of things out of my home there.

Correction: His home — as of the date specified. That was the deal I'd made.

He "sold" me that day for a hundred bucks.

Regards your own marital home, you may agree to let your former spouse live there for ninety days after a Judgment of Divorce is entered awarding the house to you. Or, they get the condo, but your name stays on the mortgage for three years.

In both cases — quite apart from bald appraisal values — "time" is its own asset to be reckoned with. It's worth something to have "time" to find new living quarters and shop for mortgages. Such value always comes at your expense, whether you choose to recognize that reality or not.

"But divorce courts don't trade in time," you argue.

Sure they do.

Michigan Court Rules acknowledge all sorts of negotiation needs.

For example, MCR 2.501(B)(1): "On its own initiative, the motion of a party, or the stipulation of all parties, the court may shorten the time in which an action will be scheduled for trial...."

And if you're one of the 98% of couples that ends your marriage by "Consent Judgment of Divorce," the court "...may accelerate the entry of a judgment after 60 days has passed if the criteria in MCR 3.210(A)(2) are met."

As a divorce mediator, I've seen the application of this Rule subject the legislature's so-called "cooling off period" to an eBay!-like bartering for divorce courts.

One case in particular stands out for what was shaping up to be the infinite loop of divorce negotiations. She'd ask. He'd agree. She'd change her mind. Ad infinitum. So I invited her to meet with me one-on-one, and she (with consent of her divorce attorney) agreed.

"Do you like mediation?"

She didn't hesitate: "Yes, I do. Very much."

"Why?"

"Because I matter."

She went on to tell me how she felt that her husband never solicited her input in sixteen years of marriage. By the second session of divorce mediation, however, she noticed that he was watching her, listening intently to everything she said — "as if I were one of his important business associates."

Then she said this: "I'm not even that interested in staying married to him, if divorce is what he wants. I'd sign off on that tomorrow."

"If he did what—?"

"Listened to me for a little while longer."

"How long?"

She really thought about this question. "Twelve hours."

A Consent Judgment of Divorce could shave several months off their divorce process; those months were still hers to give. And he'd already expressed interest in expediting things.

"What if you proposed a stand-alone agreement stating that you'd sign off on the current divorce mediation agreement in exchange for three, four-hour 'discussions,' at one per week?" I asked.

No professional earned much money in negotiating this divorce after that. In fact, my own billable time subsequently totaled just twelve hours and fifteen minutes.

If time is what you value most — and you're willing to pay for it — why not ask?

Need to ruminate on this a bit?

Take your time.

—posted by Dell Deaton @4:48 PM EST 5/11/2005 [675]

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