Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Friday, March 11, 2005
Single Parents' 911

One of the major faith-based Divorce Recovery Workshops I used to lead programming for included "parenting" as one of its content modules. But during the session for which that topic was scheduled, they'd provide an alternative track for folks to opt-out of it.

Huh—?

I've never worked with a divorce group yet where any given participant couldn't tell me why some issue or another "couldn't" connect with those of the others in attendance.

That given, I've never been unable to meaningfully connect everyone who was interested in being connected to those divorce groups. And I routinely deal with some far-flung backgrounds — cultural, religious, and sexual orientation, to name a few.

So, "parenting" out of divorce doesn't apply to you?

Let's see.

Divorce statistics say that 61% of individuals ending first marriages have at least one child under the age of 18. So, even if you don't have children, there's a two-out-of-three chance that the person you'll date and/or marry will.

I know: If it does happen, you plan on being a "cool" stepparent, a non-authoritative sorta friend around the house. So, no need for stepparent resources.

You're undaunted by the perhaps politically incorrect findings that Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington has shared on the failure of second marriages.

"Most second marriages that fail, fail during the tumultuous early years of stepfamily life." It takes 5 to 7 years "...for the tensions of stepfamily life to decline to the point where the couple's stress level [matches] that of a husband and wife in a first marriage."

Talk about pressure!

Then I'm reminded by Susan DeMaggio, in her Editor's Letter for the current MetroParent Magazine, that March is "Parenting Awareness Month" here in Michigan. Day 11, now, and ticking—.

MetroParent is a fantastic resource for folks with children of all ages. Stepparents, too. And wannabe stepparents. You can pick it up anonymously, if you'd like, at libraries and bookstores all around Southeast Michigan.

• The March "Ask Nurse Mom" feature answers questions about a 15-year-old son in wrestling who has ringworm. The next question? Breastfeeding issues with a 3-month-old baby.

• Personally, I always look forward to "Parenting Solo," by Atlanta divorce mediator Diane C. Shearer. She's a divorce resource who is both trained professionally and who is living divorced parenting.

See for yourself. I won't tell anyone.

Ms. DeMaggio also calls special attention to a 24/7 Parent Help Line that provides, "...crisis intervention, parenting information and a referral service, via the staff at Gryphon Place in Kalamazoo, under contract to the [Michigan] Family Independence Agency."

• Call 800.942.HELP

Kudos to those of you who take the vitally important personal growth step that attending a Divorce Recovery Workshop can mean.

But even if you have no children, or your children are grown and you've fantasized that your in-household parenting duties have wrapped, don't neglect the parenting module.

Odds are, your next would-be partner will come as a package deal. So let's get these Single Parent 911 resources in our SmartPhones ahead of time!

—posted by Dell Deaton @9:47 PM EST 3/11/2005 [500]

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