"'Obvious' Isn't Always Obvious" (Divorce Balance, 501)

Divorce Balance

Saturday, March 5, 2005
"Obvious" Isn't Always Obvious

"I'll get everything straightened out," Kyle eagerly agreed.

"Good," Nancy acknowledged, inching toward concurrence in this delicate, challenging negotiation. "When?"

"As soon as things come up, I'll fix 'em. As long as it takes."

"Well, I wouldn't expect that things would take more than a week. I mean, we're talking about black and white here. It's all obvious."

At that point I weighed in. And it doesn't really matter much what particular interpersonal barb is scratching the crystal for this very committed couple. My bet is that you could plug in your own frictions here and follow along just fine with what I'm about reveal.

This is the first post-divorce relationship for both Nancy and Kyle. They've been at it for three years now, and with me, working on it, for two. God bless 'em for trying. But, "a week" to "straighten out" three years? Over and again I've seen them move too quickly to agree, like the gears that drive a sweep second-hand past an irrelevant hour-marker during a sprinter's short race.

Or, if you prefer, bypassing the step-by-step steps of a courtship in favor of moving straight to the honeymoon.

And as for the "obvious" thing—.

With their permission, I shared an experience I'd had in a divorce mediation quite literally just the day before. The wife, Linda, was unfolding her concerns related to value and lifestyle changes coming out of divorce. At one point she put her right hand over her left wrist, and made reference to the watch she was covering.

"And how much did that watch cost?" I asked.

"Oh, this? It's nothing. It's a cheap watch. Less than eight hundred dollars."

As I paused my flashback narrative, I noticed that Nancy and Kyle were staring at me, eyes like saucers. Jaws dropped.

I then removed the Timex Expedition model 48811 watch (water-resistant to 50 meters) from my own wrist and handed it to Nancy. "You know I never 'compare" people's divorce stories," I reminded this couple. "But the watch you're holding cost me less than what Linda paid in Michigan tax for her TAG Heuer 2000 Classic."

"So she was wrong," Nancy bottom-lined it for Kyle and me.

"I dunno—" I countered slowly, "Amazon.com lists about 1,200 watches that are priced higher than hers."

"Yeah, but how much higher?"

Currently, the Omega Ladies Constellation 1960.31.51 watch is sold there for $28,195 (discounted from a list price of $38,395).

With that, Kyle and Nancy slowed down, rolled up their sleeves, and began to clearly define the nitty-gritty specifics upon which all successful agreements rely. Yes, even in — especially in — loving relationships where goodwill is abundant.

"Well, at least I've heard the famous 'watch story' that Kyle has told me so much about from your Divorce Recovery Workshop," Nancy offered. Kyle is a valued alumnus of that; Nancy has never attended.

"Now I understand completely."

"No, honey," Kyle responded, with insight that seemed to go beyond this particular conversation, "that is an entirely different story altogether."

—posted by Dell Deaton @9:01 PM EST 3/5/2005 [501]

ISSN 1556-6242

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