Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The Prince's Second Wife

"So — Charles and Camilla," I muse in reflection.

"Oh, yeah," you acknowledge.

Whatever you're looking to mirror from your own divorce experience, you'll likely find it in this Whitman's Sampler of relationships. The red-foil box, heart-shape.

As divorce stories go, Prince Charles might tell us about his fairy tale wedding to a schoolteacher. Down to the horse-drawn carriage, it could have come straight from the pages of Cinderella.

Fast forward (or is it rewind?) and the pox of divorce reality emerge. Self-destructive behavior. Communication failures. And throw in "adultery" to make our task of labeling the heroes and dragons that much more straightforward.

Mums and dads in there, too, no doubt: Somewhere between arranged marriages and unresolved family-of-origin issues.

In navigating (if not negotiating) such divorces, there are things we need to know for royalty that go beyond spousal support and child custody. Her Majesty's Stationary Office, for example, has published rules that dictate what Lady Diana might properly have been called in marriage and divorce.

As a divorce mediator, people expect me to know how to research such things.

Hey, it ain't trivia if it's your divorce!

Post-divorce, the seeming persistence of marital attachment between these two more-than-simply-divorced parents held professional interest for me. But the glass slipper — still tightly gripped, tho' removed — was finally shattered, one evening in Paris, of all places.

Tragic, and ironically dramatic, as juxtapositions go, when you bookend it against how things began: "Once upon a time."

Today, of course, it's seven-and-a-half years later; better than eight since the divorce. So the prince might reasonably have told us last week that he is moving on. Coupled to that, Camilla Parker-Bowles, herself also divorced, steps out with a ring.

But ubiquitous royal foil Paul Burrell isn't ready to let go yet. Presuming to speak for the late Lady Diana, he writes in Britain's Daily Mirror: "Millions will not have forgotten the misery Charles caused his wife. And nor should we. We certainly should not forgive."

If you say so, Mr. Burrell.

At the time of the divorce, many of my clients did speak then as Mr. Burrell does today. In the week following Lady Diana's car crash, The Gallup Organization conducted a nationwide survey which found that 62.7% of all adults here in the U.S. believed that she should be posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her efforts to ban land mines.

Beyond that, does anyone remember if she was ever even nominated?

Time passes and I read last week that when the British subjects were asked how they felt about Prince Charles marrying Camilla Parker-Bowles, the clear majority (38%) didn't care one way or the other. An additional 32% "support" it.

The polarizing passions of others regarding our divorces simply don't have long shelf lives. Even among potentates.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you let go of your divorce, too?

Make no mistake: This is a choice for Prince Charles. A choice with incumbent consequences in duty, religion, and public accountability. It's hard to forget his past (especially given the rehash I've included herein).

I'm with you.

But if you'll suspend any fortified judgments for just a moment, let me suggest another take from the whimsical Whitman's Sampler we have here.

This past Tuesday, Susan Ager encouraged us in her Detroit Free Press column: "True love doesn't need a fairy tale." The treasure we risk missing when we commit to relationships that are past and past, is not how, or why, or should Prince Charles have chosen this woman. Rather, it is, essentially, that he did. And as a man — as opposed to "as a powerful man" — that he could.

Camilla Parker-Bowles "...is simply the woman Charles likes best.... She is no one's fairy-tale catch, but she satisfies his deepest longing."

We dishonor no one by letting go. Rather, we become open to seeing amazing princes learn from shattered glass slippers that their real treasures can emerge from Nine West.

Real, precious marriages come after the fairy tales end.

Oh, yeah.

—posted by Dell Deaton @12:01 PM EST 2/16/2005 [674]

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