Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Saturday, January 29, 2005
Divorce Lawyer eMails, cc: Your Ex

Normally it wouldn't occur to me to share program registration form information with you. Not that I'm going to disclose anything private here; it's just that I've found the content to be predictably rote, dry.

We're talking about routine paperwork, after all.

Except this time.

One of the ways I raise the bar on security for my workshops is through a requirement that all attendees provide complete how-to-find-me information going in. Out of respect for your privacy, I share that with no one. But out of respect for the other attendees, no one participates in my programs anonymously.

Predators and those with libertine inclinations tend to be the ones most put off by this non-negotiable.

Oh-well.

Line 4 of my form asks for your eMail address. I further ask if anyone can access this except for you. It's not uncommon for families to have a single eMail account, and many employers will tell you up-front that they have a right and ability to see any eMail sent out from your corporate account.

But it doesn't have to end here. Several years ago, a woman and her husband were working with me on a fairly complicated property settlement mediation. Somewhere along that line, she took a fancy to one of her coworkers.

As the ensuing tale of woe was later revealed to me, the two coworkers became quite romantically involved — with her having told him that she was long-since divorced and free to frolic.

For motives never shared with me, Mr. Coworker went to a friend of his in their mutual corporate M.I.S. Department and called in a favor: Set up Mrs. Still-married's corporate eMail to automatically blind copy him on all incoming and outgoing communications via her computer.

Even Mrs. Still-married couldn't tell this was going on.

Well, for a while.

Mr. Coworker did end up telling her — and Mrs. Still-married's still-husband — several months (and romantic trysts) later.

Returning to line 4 of the aforementioned pre-registration form: The response in question included a handwritten tome, carried over to the back of the page. It mentioned a home computer; an exclusive, password-protected eMail account; and a none-too-soon-to-be-former spouse that had moved out six weeks prior.

Locks changed immediately upon her departure.

Neither spouse had the technical wherewithal to send attached picture files, let alone install spy ware. Yet, according to my would-be registrant, his wife had had a friend who put a program onto a 3¼" disk that would cause his computer to eMail files from his CPU to hers.

It wasn't intended as a romantic gesture, nor as an overture toward reconciliation. Oh, and by the way — it took less than 30 seconds for her to secretly load that program onto his home computer, one day when she came over to visit their dog.

But no one thinks this man's best friend was complicit in any of that.

How did Mr. All-I-know-how-to-do-is-push-the-ON-button-and-type-letters crack this caper? Well, the "ex-spouse-ware program" (I made that term up) eventually slowed his system down so much that he called in a techie for a look-see.

Please note that these stories are before we get onto the Internet itself. Once there, it can be a free-for-all anyway. Several years ago, PC Magazine ran a feature on this that I still consider one of the better explanations out there.

Check out "The Internet Advisor" on AM 760 WJR for several top-rated security programs available for free download (see "Helpful Resources" sidebar).

Also visit Kim Komando, who you can access through CNN Money and numerous local radio stations. In particular, her stuff includes a "Tip of the Day: Tracking laptop usage" article and invaluable Shareware Picks.

With all that great advice, I'm now reminded to protect my own setup with a reminding reference to our liability disclaimers.

Okay, now you're "safe–er," but never completely safe. Don't drive recklessly just because you have airbags. I'm still very careful about what I eMail, even with the best protection.

And the only way folks can register for my Divorce Recovery Workshop is by U.S. Mail.

—posted by Dell Deaton @6:01 PM EST 1/29/2005 [674]

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