Divorce Balance

Negotiation > Recovery > Enhancement

Wednesday, January 5, 2005
"A Stitch in Time [Hardly] Saves Nine"

Ever since an unfortunate mishap in Cincinnati from my youth, a visceral sense of dread floods over me whenever I hear a cliché pass the lips of another person.

We all can feel the need to say something when our friend, loved one, coworker shares a troubling detail from his or her divorce.  But you'll come up empty on Cliché Finder and ClichéSite.com if you're there to search on "divorce" for reassurances.

"What goes around comes around" is far from a guarantee that cosmic karma will eventually balance out what you may feel that divorce law could not.  Worse than that, comparing relationship failures will reduce your happiness by 26 percent.

"Clichés," writes veteran columnist Robert Fulford in Canada's National Post, "... deaden information, discussion, and the people who use them. They limit and enclose thought, forcing it down predetermined channels."

Staying out of these ruts requires "... some very specific dos and don'ts," emphasizes Lauren Littauer Briggs in her interview with Mike Carruthers.

Don't "... try to minimize this experience with something like, 'Well, you're strong. You can handle this,' or 'Things could be worse.'  What we need to do is offer understanding statements and affirm the difficulty they're facing with statements like, 'I wish I could take the hurt away,' or 'This must be hard for you....'

"What we need to do is listen."

Permit yourself to have threadbare engagements — genuine, invested. Is this something that "saves nine"? You'd better believe it. And then some.

One broken heart a time.

—posted by Dell Deaton @12:00 PM EST 1/5/2005 [250]

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